In Memoriam, Game of Thrones Season 7, Episode 4

As this season’s kill count continues to rise, take a moment to pay respect to the casualties of Drogon’s Sunday BBQ

By AT&T Digital Media Productions editorial team 


Season Kill Count: 12,679 (estimated)

The shortest episode of the series thus far, “The Spoils of War” had no time to mess around. The death count escalated rapidly, particularly on the Lannister side, putting Daenerys Targaryen back on top of Drogon and the war for the Seven Kingdoms.

As a mostly drunk but occasionally wise king once said, “Only a fool would meet the Dothraki on an open field.” Although the Lannister army fought as valiantly as expected in the face of a screaming foreign horde, it turns out Robert Baratheon had a point.

While viewers alternated between fearing for Bronn, Dany, Drogon and Jaime, the battle raged on in the background, bloody, fiery, and filled with death. We honor a few of the dearly departed:


That Shaking Lannister Soldier

As he watched the Dothraki horde descend, this poor soldier (we’ll call him Lanny of House Shakesworth) must have been thinking: Hey Jaime, do we not have advance scouts anymore?

Although this son of a peasant never learned how to read, he took up fighting from a young age, practicing alone in the woods with tree branches and old garden equipment. When he grew up, he realized he had no money, no real skill set, and was happy to get in on that sweet Lannister gold...

…until the Field of Fire, when he was the first soldier roasted in his shell by Drogon. Lanny, may you shake it like a Polaroid in the halls of the Seven.


Dothraki soldier Qotho

A loyal bloodrider to the Mother of Dragons, Qotho was a great loss to the Dothraki army. Skilled in horse riding, black eyeliner, and being level 100 angry all the time, he was a true Dothraki

Never quite “Khal” material, he was relieved when the widowed Khaleesi burned down the Temple of Dosh Khaleen and demanded their loyalty. In fact, he was the first to bend the knee to the new queen.

With his overwhelming love for Daenerys, he fought hard in battle for her, relishing in the flames and destruction. Ah, the sweet smell of dragonfire and death. Unfortunately, Bronn got the best of him, blasting Qotho with a dragon-grade bolt. A glorious death in service of his Dragon Queen.


Ed Sheeran, probably

Although his legs no longer work like they used to, Sheeran’s name will live on in the hearts of teen girls all across Westeros.

Ever since Sheeran was a little boy, all he wanted was to become a singing sensation. His father, however, had different plans: the Sheeran men were all Lannister soldiers dating back centuries, and Ed would be no different. Though he eventually caved to his father’s wishes, his dulcet tones did achieve mild notoriety at Casterly Rock. Ed was never a great soldier, but the Lannister army kept him around—he was the only one who could sing anything other than “The Rains of Castamere.”

Ed’s death was unexpected and cruel. After the battle of Highgarden, his fellow soldiers locked him in the castle’s dungeon to starve after he sang “Shape of You” for the millionth time. Some songs are just too catchy.


Qyburn’s Scorpion

The creepy mad scientist of King’s Landing has a ton of wacky ideas: bringing a dead man back as an 8-foot bodyguard, giving Jaime a blinged out hand, and most recently, mass-producing a dragon-killing crossbow.

The scorpion’s death came as no great shock. After being hit in the shoulder with a giant piece of metal, Drogon was not a happy dragon. He was quick to enact his revenge, setting the entire apparatus on fire and giving it a tail-whip for good measure.

But while this scorpion bit the dust, we likely haven’t seen the last of its kind. Cersei does have a newfound affinity for poison. Might her Hand develop a Drogon-destroying venom and create a Scorpion 2.0 that really stings?


Dragon invincibility

Drogon, you magnificent creature, we all want you to fly free forever, but you’ll probably want to stay off that wing for a while. Although Dany’s dragons are still the top firepower around, the shattered illusion of invincibility adds a new wrinkle to the war. Nothing had better happen to Rhaegal and Viserion!

As the season barrels towards its conclusion, who will be the next to go? (Jaime Lannister didn’t look to be in great shape during this episode’s fade to black.) The bloodbath continues on Game of Thrones, exclusively on HBO.


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