These Kids Will Be General Managers Some Day

The smartest move in baseball yesterday was this trade pulled off by two kids in the stands at Nationals Park. Washington’s Matt Wieters hit a home run that was caught by a Rockies fan, while Colorado’s DJ LeMahieu hit a blast that landed in the hands of a Nats fan. So the kids decided to swap souvenirs and go home with the ones hit by their team’s players. Genius.

Bartolo Colon Was Almost Nolan Ryan for a Night

I’m honestly not sure there will be a more impressive individual performance in baseball this season than Bartolo Colon, five weeks shy of his 45th birthday, taking a perfect game into the eighth inning against the defending World Series champions.

This is a guy who was atrocious enough last season that it was pretty shocking he found a job this year. His fastball averaged 87.5 mph over his first three starts but was up around 89 mph on Sunday and he threw it on 83 of his 99 pitches, yet no one was able to hit it until the 23rd batter of the game. I think Evan Grant of the Dallas Morning News did a good job laying out just how improbable it was.

Braves pitcher Brandon McCarthy also had one of the best reactions of the night.

Banister will be nervous about Bartolo’s pitch count soon. Anything more than 300 and he’ll risk not pitching in his 50s.— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) April 16, 2018

This Is the Start of a Movie

Four baboons escaped their enclosure at a San Antonio biomedical research facility Saturday. A woman then spotted one leading researchers on a wild foot chase down a Texas highway.All of the baboons were safely returned according to a statement. https://t.co/sA148VbSDd pic.twitter.com/pPBW4V5ZIu— ABC News (@ABC) April 15, 2018

Four baboons escaped from a San Antonio research facility this weekend. Three of them were quickly captured, but the fourth remained at large for several hours. The facility houses about 2,500 baboons, so I can only assume this was a practice run for a large-scale uprising.

A Tale of Two Toilets

It’s always great when you can start off the week with some potty humor. Fans in Philly put pictures of Sidney Crosby in the arena urinals for Game 3 on Sunday. All Sid did was go out and have four points in a 5–1 Pittsburgh win.

Meanwhile, in NASCAR, driver Bubba Wallace got locked in his bus and had to exit through the toilet.

Bits & Pieces

The Indians streamed video games on the jumbotron during a rain delay. ... John Cena and Nikki Bella, who had been dating for six years, broke off their engagement. ... R. Lee Ermey, the man most famous for his role in Full Metal Jacket, is dead at the age of 74. ... Patrick Reed showed up at the Rockets game wearing his Masters green jacket. ... Boston.com is liveblogging the Boston Marathon, which is taking place in just the worst weather imaginable.

Russ Is an Icon

Russ… pic.twitter.com/KePcwVshoG— Bryan Fischer (@BryanDFischer) April 15, 2018

The thing I appreciate most about Russell Westbrook is that his fashion sense is a perfect encapsulation of his playing style.

Clear, huh?

Documents make clear Trump’s personal lawyer squarely under investigation https://t.co/zLjaA6kBJY pic.twitter.com/D9FuYujYtV— AJC (@ajc) April 15, 2018

Searching for My Lost Shaker of Salt

Wasted away again in pic.twitter.com/X8JF1DErIJ— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCavemann) April 10, 2018

Of All the Days for a Gatorade Shower

Wilmer Flores was the hero for the Mets on Sunday, with a walk-off homer in the ninth.

Watch the Wilmer Walk Off! Wilmer Flores wins it for the Mets with a HR! ???????????? pic.twitter.com/dhxTG8JaGo— SportsNet New York (@SNYtv) April 15, 2018

As is the custom, his teammates showered him with Gatorade. The only problem is it was freezing cold out. Your thoughts, Wilmer?

THIS is a back page pic.twitter.com/fu4ugkoibP— Connor Ryan (@connortryan) April 16, 2018

Franz Ferdinand Invites Fan on Stage to Play Drums

Almost Enough to Make Up for That Crushing Defeat

If at first you don't succeed... try, try, try again! #CapsJackets #ALLCAPS pic.twitter.com/6S3b5cfXNW— Washington Capitals (@Capitals) April 15, 2018

A Good Song

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